But we don’t tend to be rational about these matters. Instead, not only do we suffer, we feel isolated and alone in our suffering. When we remember that pain is part of the shared human experience, however, every moment of suffering is transformed into a moment of connection with others. The pain I feel in difficult times is the same pain you feel in difficult times. The circumstances are different, the degree of pain is different, but the basic experience of human suffering is the same. This informal practice can be done slowly as a sort of mini-meditation, or you can use the words as a three-part phrase when you encounter difficulties in daily life. This practice is a way to help remind ourselves to apply the three core components of self-compassion—mindfulness, common humanity, and kindness— when difficulties arise in our lives. It also harnesses the power of soothing touch to help us feel safe and cared for. It’s important to find language that is effective for you personally—you don’t want to have an internal argument about whether the words make sense. For example, some people prefer the word struggle to the word suffering, or prefer the word support or protect to the word kindness. Try out a few different variations and then practice what works for you. After reading through these instructions, you may want to try them out with your eyes closed so you can go inward more deeply.
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Excerpt adapted from The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Kristin Neff and Chris Germer.
Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer January 29, 2019
Mindful Staff January 11, 2021
Mindful Staff September 4, 2020
