For kids, however, I like to refer to the inner critic as “The Critical Critter” to take some of the weight off. Exploring self-critical thoughts can often feel like heavy, exhausting work, so using a playful approach can help children bring a certain amount of lightness to balance out the heavy work of noticing unhelpful habits and challenging them or approaching them differently. The character of the inner critic as “Critter” helps children understand when they are being too hard on themselves and also the crucial lesson that thoughts are not facts. Just because we think we’re rubbish at something doesn’t make it true. So how do you start a conversation with your children about the self-defeating, self-critical thoughts that we all have running on repeat in the back of our minds? Here is how I help children (and parents) to understand the inner critic. In a previous post, I talk about how the brain is like a house, with an upstairs and a downstairs. This idea comes in part from Dr. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s book The Whole-Brain Child and it’s a really simple way to help kids to think about what’s going on inside their head. Having introduced the idea of the brain house, I tell children that we’re going to add in a rather scary, hairy, and un-fairy-like creature. You know your child, so make sure this makes sense to them. Some children may need lots of reassurance that this is just pretend — “there aren’t really characters living in our brain” — whilst others may relish the opportunity to run wild with imagination.
The Critical Critter in the Brain House
The Critical Critter in the Brain House
The Critical Critter lives in the upstairs brain house with the thinkers, problem solvers, planners, emotion regulators, creatives, flexible and empathic types in the neocortex. To begin with, we may not notice that the Critter has moved in. It may start out with a quiet voice, occasionally speaking up with critical self-talk. But, the more we listen to its words, the bigger it grows. The Critical Critter is fed on a diet of negative self-talk and unkind, unsupportive words from others. Each time we chew on harsh and unjustified criticism, it’s like giving the critter another burger to munch on. One day, we discover the Big C has unpacked all its luggage, and grown large enough to throw its weight around. The Big C has turned into a BIG BULLY, squashing any hopes of self-compassion or kindness from the upstairs “thinking” characters. And, not content with that, this dastardly doubter is also lurking downstairs in our feeling brain (the limbic system), telling Fearsome Fred that he’s right to panic and flip his lid because everything is going to go wrong. And when it does, insists the Critter, Fearless Fred will be to blame because he’s useless. We. Are. Useless.
Notice the Critical Critter in Action
Think of some examples to share with your child about what else the Critical Critter does. Choose examples that aren’t too stressful because if you make your kids feel too anxious they may end up feeding their Critter right then and there! Here’s an example I might use:
At age seven, our internal critic bursts into fits of self-incriminating giggles when we trip during a race.Aged 16, it hides under the exam desk and repeatedly whispers “You’re gonna fail at this!”When it’s time to leave school and think about a career, the Critter starts a chorus of “You’ll never do it; you’re not going to make it; you’ll never amount to anything.”
In short, the Critical Critter makes us default to feeling bad about ourselves, feeling ill-equipped, emotionally and mentally, to handle adversity or even to simply to try new things. Learning how to quiet the Critter can help children cultivate resilience and self-compassion.
5 Ways Kids Can Shrink the Critical Critter
5 Ways Kids Can Shrink the Critical Critter
If your child’s Critter has grown bigger, scarier, and hairier recently, it’s time to put it on a crash diet. Here’s how you can help your child notice the Critter at work and put an end to its constant unhelpful chatter:
“That’s enough out of you, Critter — I’m doing my best.”“I can’t hear you Critter, I’m too busy being amazing over here.”“Maybe it didn’t work this time, Critter, but I’m giving it another go.”
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