But then what? For some, the quagmire drags us down as we find that resolving to do anything takes guts, energy, and determination. It takes grit. Even worse, it may require going gently or slowing things down. And it takes courage to let yourself see how you resist or run from things that make you uncomfortable. True resolve means feeling restless and uneasy and bringing effort and energy anyway. Let’s back up for a moment: What is a resolution? Ultimately, it’s how we try to give ourselves a helping hand, by either undertaking or refraining from undertaking a particular action. For instance, if being impulsive gets you into trouble, you might resolve to take a breath before you begin screaming at a stranger, your coworkers, or your kids. You might resolve to nurture your physical well-being and take the stairs twice a week. But for many of us, resolutions lose their glow once New Year’s dewy newness fades. So how can we notice and counter our tendency to crawl back into our hidey-holes and habits? Bit by bit you may notice that approaching your resolutions with kindness and gentleness makes the situation a little less tense. At times, it’s likely your resolve will fall apart—but you don’t have to arm wrestle with every setback. You can simply explore how and why your resolve dissolved. You are not embarking on a military operation to search and destroy; employing self-compassion and tenderness is something much more challenging and counterintuitive. It may require noticing when trying harder is less effective than trying, well, softer. This year, resolve to keep your view alive and fresh, moment by moment.

How To Make A Resolution